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Starters[edit | edit source]

Pos. No. Name Picture Description
Pos-GK.png 1 The Good Guy Good Guy.png What more can be said? A genuinely good guy.

Released in 2006, 6934 Good Guy was a promotional set that has since become an in-joke within the Bionicle and Lego communities due to both his odd name and appearance. Alas, he was declared non-canon in the Bionicle universe despite fan outrage.

Pos-CB.png 5 The Brickster The Brickster.png Gotta have your bad boy on the team.

The Brickster first made his appearance in the 1997 videogame Lego Island as the antagonist of the story, and he's famed for stealing anything and everything and somehow being able to escape from prison using only a pizza.

Pos-CB.png 6 Wojtuś Wojtuś.jpg Yeah, inviting somebody with no arms onto the team was never the best decision /lego/ has made, but this cheeky Pole makes up for it with his enthusiasm and determination.

Wojtuś is the Lego equivalent of Gondola, created by a Polish anon who has since made an entire family and mythos for him. Just remember that should you create your own, it must begin with a V/W to spark your imagination.

Pos-LB.png 3 Sharpied Clone Sharpied Clone.jpg The toughest of the tough, this OC donut steel clone trooper could mop the floor with every ICUP team. By himself. And all at once. While blindfolded.

After 2008's The Clone Wars Lego sets, many young fans made their own customised clone troopers with sharpies. These horrific creations would usually be accompanied with an equally bad backstory as a way to justify why their 'custom' was so grossly overpowered. Thankfully this trend has largely died out, though if you lurk old forum threads you may come across these monstrosities.

Pos-RB.png 2 Sad Clown Sad Clown.png A tortured soul desperately seeking klocki.

A Polish anon used to regularly post ">TFW no klocki" along with the sad clown when complaining about his small Lego collection (klocki is Polish for Lego). He even went as far as creating a small animation for expressing his disdain for his lack of klocki. Don't worry though, his story has a happy ending - he was eventually able to acquire enough klocki.

Pos-DMF.png 4 Glows In The Dark! Glows In The Dark!.jpg Nobody is quite sure how he made it onto the team or even what he is, and he sure isn't talking.

The first piece of OC a /lego/man created on the anon.cafe board.

Pos-CMF.png 7 RUBBLE RUBBLE.jpg A LANDSLIDE HAS OCCURRED

The 1999 videogame Rock Raiders suffers from bugs throughout the game and the dialogue usually loops itself, leading to the same line being repeated over and over again. If you've ever played the entirety of Rock Raiders, you'll most likely have these lines burned into your brain.

Pos-CMF.png 11 That One Piece I SWEAR I SEEN IT A MINUTE AGO, WHAT THE FUCK?!

A common problem for any Lego builder is that one piece you're looking for that cannot be found. It will turn up a week later in a completely random place.

Pos-AMF.png 8 Punished Yoda Punished Yoda.jpg The opposition best watch out because this ketamine abusing, minority hating, Honda Civic driving, Allah praising, CBT enthusiast has been unleashed onto the pitch and not even his teammates can hold him back.

Lego Yoda has became a meme outside of the Lego community for no apparent reason and usually portrays the character as doing something offensive. Reddit was pretty quick to ban the meme which shows something, but I've no idea what.

Pos-SS.png 10 Orange Transparent Chainsaw ORANGE TRANSPARENT CHAINSAW.jpg ORANGE TRANSPARENT CHAINSAW.

One of the few memes to come from 4chan's /toy/ board, ORANGE TRANSPARENT CHAINSAW centers around the 1993 space theme Ice Planet 2002. This Lego theme featured the eponymous chainsaw produced in neon orange and the bizarre appearance of the chainsaw was enough to create a meme status around it.

Pos-CF.png 9 Johnny Thunder Johnny Thunder.png G'day! This Aussie adventurer is about to start on his greatest expedition yet - the Infinity Cup! Crikey!

First appearing in the 1998 Adventurers theme, Johnny Thunder is Lego's version of Indiana Jones. A fan favourite, Johnny still continues to have appearances (albeit in Easter eggs) in Lego sets to this day and has appeared in digital form more times than any other minifigure. He first starred in the 1999 Lego Racers videogame (and it's 2001 sequel) but has also appeared in non-standard videogames such as the 2010 MMO Lego Universe or the app Lego Legacy: Heroes Unboxed.

Bench[edit | edit source]

Pos. No. Name Picture Description
Pos-GK.png 12 LEGO Story Lego Story.png We had to place it in goal to minimise the amount of times it would be seen.

An informative animated short on the origins of the Lego Company that unfortunately suffered from very bad CGI.

Pos-CB.png 16 Kathleen Enright Brick by Brick.png What better way to boost morale on the field than have a player that can sing? There's no better motivational song than 'Brick by Brick'.

Kathleen Enright (known in-game as Kathleen N. Right) was the vocalist for the 'Brick by Brick' track from the Lego Island OST.

Pos-CB.png 17 31014 31014.png Perfection in plastic form.

31014 Power Digger is widely regarded by many as one of the best sets ever made due to it's excellent selection of parts that saw anons building a variety of alternate builds.

Pos-LB.png 14 Broken Bionicle Lesovikk.jpg 100% lime green. 0% intact. It'll be a miracle if he can stay intact until half-time.

Bionicle joints tend to break over time but due to the pieces being improperly cooled during the manufacturing process, 2007's lime green joints are infamously delicate.

Pos-RB.png 13 Cheeky Croc Cheeky Croc.png Smug bastard.

Cheeky Croc appears in the 2017 10708 Green Creativity Box though he has since become a /lego/ equivalent of a smug anime girl.

Pos-DMF.png 15 LEGO® Millennium Falcon™ Brownie Points.jpg Rarely fielded, LEGO® Millennium Falcon™ prefers to instead collect dust on a cabinet.

No matter what, Lego continues to re-release the Millennium Falcon almost yearly despite each re-release being slightly different to the other. Even Lego is aware of this to the degree that the retailer catalogue mentioned in the description for the (then) upcoming 75192 UCS Millennium Falcon that the "model similar to the previous version will boost nostalgia sales" and that "slightly updated characters will excite collectors".

Pos-CMF.png 18 Nephilim 268.jpg "And there we saw the Nephilim, the sons of Anak, who come of the giants. And we were in our own sight as grasshoppers, and so we were in their sight."

When the iconic minifigures were first introduced they were actually intended to be children to the pre-existing maxifigures.

Pos-CMF.png 22 Bootlego Bootlego.jpg Purists beware! These sets may contain Chinese atoms.

Chinese clone brands bitterly divide the Lego community into those that are fine with them and those that disavow them - one anon refuses to buy them because they contain "Chinese atoms", whatever they may be. Military minifigures are the most common and sought after bootleg sets, with the Hitler minifigure being one of the most infamous of them. Although he can be bought indivually, Lego Hitler does also come in one Enlighten set with his Japanese bodyguard and fending off a time-travelling feminist assassin.

Pos-AMF.png 19 Bear Gold Bear.jpg Never come between a Bear and his gold.

One of the oldest /lego/ in-jokes, it refers to the box art of 4438 and 4440 in which a hillbilly is attempting to hide his loot from a bear. Anons soon quickly photoshopped this odd duo into the box art of other sets and they've been a recurring joke ever since.

Pos-SS.png 21 Alfred Legosen Alfred Legosen Circa 1934.png Alfred Legosen is the inventor of Lego, born to a family of poor Danish farmers in the year 1872. He spent his formative years working in the fields and it was during this time that he developed a passion for building structures out of hay bales. However, in 1901, while constructing a large house out of stacked, rectangular bales, the bales collapsed on him, breaking both his hands. These injuries would never fully heal, and as a result he had to abandon his childhood hobby.

Much later, in the aftermath of WWI, Alfred would take an interest in the ruins of the buildings destroyed during the war—particularly those made from bricks. The rectangular forms of the bricks reminded Alfred of his days with the hay bales, and he conceived a desire to build once more. However, due to the injuries to his hands, he was unable to manipulate objects as heavy as bricks. Knowing that he would need to find a new medium, Alfred opened up a workshop and began making prototypes of his ideas.

Alfred would spend almost thirty years testing various materials for his new artificial hay bale construction system. His earliest tests were with wood, but the labor required to hand-carve each wooden block wasn't economically feasible in 1930s Denmark (coincidentally, he would later sell those patents to the Haas brothers, whose company, Haas Brothers Inc.—now known as Hasbro—would develop the concept into the game Jenga). Alfred also tested concepts in glass, ceramics, bone, metal, compacted manure, and stone, before finally discovering plastic. Plastic was lightweight, durable, and easy to mass-produce, making it ideal for Alfred's plans. Shortly afterward, in 1942, the first of Alfred's "Legosen Plastic Hay Bale Miniature Building Kits" would arrive on Danish shelves. In Denmark, Lego is still colloquially known by this name, though Alfred changed the name to simply "Lego" in 1954 to accommodate the expanding global market for his product.

A copypasta of the origins of Lego.

Pos-CF.png 20 Zack Zack.png He's a Lego maniac!

If you were a child into Lego during the 80's or 90's, chances are you envied Zack the Lego Maniac. He appeared in multiple Lego TV adverts as well as becoming the unofficial mascot of the Lego company during this period. He was sometimes called Jack or just 'maniac', but the underlying principle remained the same - he was a cool kid with an even cooler Lego collection.

Retired Players[edit | edit source]

Pos. No. Name Picture Description
Pos-GK.png 12 Jack Stone Jack Stone.png He's been dumped in goal because the rest of the team in uncomfortable with this abomination being allowed to freely roam the pitch.

Jack Stone was a theme released in 2001 aimed at younger children that weren't quite ready to move onto Lego System. The theme was derided almost universally for being juniorised, ugly, and "not Lego" and has been forgotten by the Lego community. Jack Stone (the character) was the hero of Lego City for his ability to rescue people, put out fires, or capture crooks and even has the achievements of having the first Lego movie and appearing in real life at an attraction in Legoland Windsor. He was retired from the team in the hopes that he may be forgotten.

Pos-RB.png 13 Craig Craig.png Craig is watching and waiting for the right time to strike. Hopefully he actually takes part and doesn't just stand there.

An anon purchased a secondhand set of drawers belonging to Craig and placed a Lego figure in them; the minifigure got named Craig by other anons as a result. Nothing really noteworthy or funny; Craig was later retired from the team because of this.